Helluva Meeting

One Helluva Meeting

I have figured out what hell is like.  It is one continuous, never ending meeting, lasting for all eternity.  Old Nick sits at the head of the table, surrounded by his satanic staff.  They are shouting at each other, each convinced that he knows best how the place should be run.  The big guy with the horns says nothing, just sits there grinning broadly. He loves those meetings where everybody talks and nothing gets done.

Now I am wondering if the evil one might have snuck into some of those church board meetings that I have attended too many of.

POLKA MASS .. WHY NOT!

Sometimes I wish I had been born a Polish Catholic instead of a stuffy old Anglo Methodist. They know how to have fun and they like tradition. I don't know why St. Mike's here no longer has polka mass.  Maybe whoever replaced Father Hack isn't into that.  Does the cool new Pope know about this? I'll bet he can dance to  Whoopie John Wilfahrt's recording of "In heaven there is no beer and that's why we drink it here."
Did I ever tell you about the time Father Hack told me I have a devious sense of humor?  I probably did.  Too many times

Free Speech

This free speech business is getting ever goofier.  I guess you have a right to say all conservative Christians are dangerous ignorant fools.  And I have the right to call you  a reverse fundamentalist.

Joel's choppers

Let's see, what can I say about Mega-church preacher Joel Osteen?
I know... He has lots of teeth.

RICK WARREN DOES IT AGAIN

Rick's "Daniel Plan" with faith, food, friends, focus and fitness.  That's the latest mega-church goofiness.  If you are offended by  my comment and other similarly snarkey posts here, you should not be reading this blog.

Stefano's Prayers

Preachers have long built sermons around current events that people can relate to.   Jesus did it.  If  He were preaching today He would probably use TV shows to make a point.  I did some of that back in the days when I fancied myself some kind of  lay preacher. I did one about Star Trek and I used good old MacGyver, too.  I can't remember what  the point  was.  Maybe it didn't have one. There is no doubt that ponderings and pontifications about the "Days of Our Lives" soap opera have been sent forth from many a pulpit. I could do a pretty good one about prayer.  Evil Stefano promises God that if He will spare son Chad's life he will quit his dastardly ways. That cries for lots of Bible verses about prayer along with stories about prayers that work, prayers that don't and how we should think about prayer.  I would fix my preacher gaze on some poor fellow in the congregation and ask " Have you prayed Stefanos's prayer?  Did you make promises to God?  Did you keep those sacred vows?"  The poor guy would burst into tears of contrition. If it's a Protestant Church he would bolt for the door in search of the nearest  Catholic Edifice so he could confess to somebody.
I would end with a heart touching  poem about prayer. Oh what a prize winning sermon it would be. There could be a whole series of "Days" sermons. How about "The Sad sinful saga of Salem St. Luke's."  Every episode  is full of dreadful transgressions to be preached about.  Too bad that I am no longer interested in doing that. If any preacher type wants to pass these grand ideas off as your own, be my guest.  No credit needed.  I don't really want anybody to know where it came from. I'm in trouble if God doesn't have a sense of humor.

Where is big bad Father John these days

I can't find a current update on Father Corapi.  Is he back in the priest business, still riding his bike or what.  Looks like Comcast doesn't carry EWTN anymore so I'm out of touch with Catholic Stuff.  How fascinating that the Catholics are as divided between liberals and conservatives as they have always accused Protestant of being. Progressives love the cool new pope while the traditionalists don't quite know what to do.
Update:  Looks like Comcast does carry EWTN. I love those old Mother Angelica shows.

Dan Brown, no. James Patterson, yes

I have not read Dan Brown's books. I do not plan to.  I liked James  Patterson's early one, "Cradle and all." Virgin births, Fatima apparition.  Great story.  Fatima controversy continues today.  Fascinating.

Trouble at Salem St. Lukes

Days of our Lives writers are  still doing it...corruption in the church. Evil Kristen DiMira uses her wiles (translation:  body) and her money to do dreadful things to the Godly people of St. Luke's. Big scandal when it all comes out.  You could say that all hell will break loose.
Does anybody remember that Mother Teresa's detractors (everybody has them) accused her of financing her good works with tainted money from bad people who did bad things? 

Martin Luther, not MLK

Not far from me is the Dr. Martin Luther Lutheran Church.  I wonder how often the Pastor must explain that is is not named for MLK Jr.  He was not a Lutheran.  Actually, the original Martin Luther wasn't either.  But that's a thing for theologians to talk about.

NEW EVANGELISM??

I just heard that the church I used to go to had a guest speaker, an Environmental Evangelist.  I don't go there anymore.  Please, please don't invite me to your church because it preaches the "true gospel." I don't want to go there either.  And don't tell me about your favorite high powered mega-church preacher.  I would rather stay home and mumble crotchety cranky complaints about the sad state the churches have got themselves into. The only TV preacher I liked was Arthur Caliandro and he's dead.

NO BEER IN HEAVEN?

 My Canary Feathers blog (http://canfeath.blogspot.com) has lots of pictures but this is the first one to show up here.  I "borrowed" it, without permission,. from friend Rev. John Keener in  Montana.  John, is there a special place in hell for internet piracy? Or do we just go to the Federal Pen?
I looked over my shoulder as I posted the picture, fearing that there  might be some Methodist ghost watching me.  I was raised in that church back in the olden days when Methodists were (supposed to be)  teetotalers having nothing to with demon rum.
If I come to your town and visit Tiny's Tavern, might I find you hoisting a foamy one?

HYPOCRITES IN CHURCH?

Looking for ammunition to support your belief that the churches are full of unbelievably evil. vile, dangerous, scheming hypocrites? The current "Days of Our Lives" story line about St. Luke's of Salem will do it. Details of who is bent on destroying whom are too complex to accurately recount here. It'll leave your head spinning.  I wish I could talk to the writers.  Are they just writing a good soap opera story that we can relate to about an attitude that seems to be permeating our society? 
Does it reflect their personal stance?

Nobody got no right

I read it on Facebook so it must be true:  "Conservatives have no right to call themselves Christians." If I can find a Liberal Muslim I will ask him if Muslim Fundamentalists have no right to call themselves Muslims.

Facebook Prayers

Praying seems to be a big thing on Facebook.  Somebody is praying or asking for prayers all the time.  Now I don't think I am  way off the mark suggesting that the majority of those in the FB generation don't want much to do with any sort of traditional religious teaching or practice. Yet they apparently believe in praying.  That's nice. I  Remember years ago when every home had a plaque on the wall, "Prayer changes things"   I hope it does.  It's worth a try anyway.

Goofy is Good

OK, so religion lends itself to goofiness.  So what? I like religion.  Even the goofy parts.

Poor Old Grandpappy

If all the churches decide that that only way to keep the doors open is to declare themselves "Not your grandfather's church," where does grandfather go to church?

If they keep the doors open as "Church for people that don't like church,"  where do people that like church go?

GOOD OLD METHODISTS

I remain kinda pleased that I was brung up many many decades ago in what was then a liberal Methodist Church.  That was even before the Methodists got United! Way back there the L word meant something  quite different from what it  does today. It wasn't a particular theological, political or social position.  It just meant you are free to think for yourself.

TROUBLE AT EWTN

I used to watch the EWTN Catholic channel a lot.   I liked feisty old Mother Angelica.  Now she and the network she founded are charged with teaching heresy, naughty priest Father Corapi has apparently quit the prirsthood and become a biker and internet personality, "Black Sheepdog." Father Groeschel took himself off  and all hell breaks loose.I really liked Father Groeschel a lot. He understood  the real world.   I am not happy that he's in trouble for suggesting that  hormonally supercharged young people can seduce older men.  He's right.  How sad that he had to apologize and take himself off the air for speaking the truth.   I believe Mother Angelica is still with us, severely disabled by strokes.  I hope she is not aware of all the stuff going on.   And I'm not even Catholic.
Update:Corapi's internet presence has been taken down amidst speculation that he might go back to the priest   business or who knows what. Stay tuned for this fascinating saga of the sacred and profane. 
One more update.  Or question or whatever it is:  Is Scott Hahn still on  ? EWTN? Former militant anti-Catholic preacher, now militant Catholic.  Most memorable line:  "All Prots go to hell."   Who needs late night TV for entertainment.

TO HEAVEN OR HELL AND BACK

Going to heaven or hell and coming back to write a book about it is a big thing lately.  I  counted four of them in the book store, one written by a kid.  If  that happened to me and God told me to come back and tell my story, would I do it?  I guess I would.  Who am I to argue with God.   I will believe those books when it does happen to me. Pardon my cynicism, but I'd like to know how much of the money that's made from those books goes to good works.

MAKE ME HAPPY...PLEEZE

Know what would make me quite terribly happy?  If all those who loudly proclaim that organized religion in general and Christianity in particular is the cause of all the evil in the world would shut the hell up.  What a happy camper I would be.